Tag: Writer

Dear Mother

I realize, I don’t really know you
as you mostly disappeared
and became invisible

You left me as a new born of only
a few weeks old
You left me to the hands of my father
while you knew they beat me

Later you came back
but only your body returned
Emotionally, you never have been there

You were like the walls of the house
that silently watched and witnessed
all the abuse
but never did anything to protect

Though when he beat you
I immediately jumped in between
to protect you
and begged him to take me instead
You allowed it to happen

As a small child I became your mother
I took your burden on me
and therefore, could never be
a child myself

Also, later in life you didn’t choose me
you couldn’t see me for who I am
and made me feel bad and guilty
when I chose myself, chose my visibility

I give it back to you now,
the burden, the responsibility
of your pain,
of taking care of you,
of protecting you
of making you happy

I free you, I free myself
of my expectations
that you could be a mother for me
I know, you tried your best
you had your own struggles
and you never had a good
example yourself

I wish you the very best
I hope you’ll find your own light
that I have always seen in you
I hope you’ll find the courage
to stand up in life
and become visible for yourself

I love you
I always have and always will
I hope it will free you, free me
as we both go separate ways

©RoseGirl2020

Dear Father

I am sorry I was born with you
where you wished
I never had been born
I am sorry for expecting
you to be the father that you couldn’t be
I am sorry for expecting love
that you weren’t able to give me
I let go of any expectations now

You did your best to cope in life
even when for you a way of coping
was using physical
and emotional violence
I know you were in pain yourself
when you attacked me as a child

I know you were in pain
when you attacked me
and my children last Friday
Behind your aggression
I saw the hurt in your eyes

And even after all
Even when the horror happened
and I needed to hand you over
to the police to protect us
I still loved you
I still love you

I wish you well
more than well
I hope the cord between us loosens
and we both will be free
without each other

I never have wanted this
for I ever only wanted love

©RoseGirl2020

Long Distance Thoughts

Long distance thoughts
go far and travel
by the speed of
their longing for the one
they lovingly hold
crossing many miles,
crossing an ocean
in less than the blink of an eye

Long distance feelings
go even further
for they travel
by the speed of love
and then make
any distance short
As short as the distance
from heartbeat to heartbeat

©RoseGirl2020

With You

And when you go out today
to do what you need to do
with a trembling heart,
with racing thoughts
When you take the stage,
put yourself out there
and it shakes you,
yet you’re brave and you take
your steps,
Just close your eyes
for a moment
breathe and feel that
I am with you

©RoseGirl2020

I Hold You Dear

I hold you so dear
in every breath
in every movement
in the stillness
of the moment

I hold you so dear
in every sound
in every song
in the quietness
of knowing

I hold you so dear
in my poems
in my words
in the depths
of the unsaid

I hold you so dear
in my smiles
in my tears
in the embrace
of not knowing

In all of me
With all of me
I hold you dear,
so dear

©RoseGirl2020

Pay It Forward

On this freezing early morning
I ride my bike through the city streets
It’s still half dark, the day
has not yet fully awakened
The drops of an ice cold fog
bite my cheeks

But while my legs battle
their way up the hill
I hear your whisper of love inside
like a gentle caress and then,
I warm up, I brightly smile
A smile, that visibly warms
the hearts of others
that catch its rays
as I pay love forward

©RoseGirl2020

Because Love Flows

I step onto the ice
with my skates
and glide smoothly,
making my circles
twirling around
from within
from the heart

Because love flows
it moves me
and makes me dance
poetry
wherever I go

Love and poetry
It is a state of being
A sacred dance
A piece of art
It is a way of life

©RoseGirl2020

To Love Without Attachment

I don’t demand anything
I don’t expect you
to meet my needs
as for that,
I’m responsible myself
If you’d like to give,
give it free-hearted

The rose doesn’t demand sunlight
but is grateful for any light
the sun shines upon her
Just as the sun is grateful
to see the rose
blossoming for him

Loving me,
as only you can do,
it means the world,
more than the world,
to me

©RoseGirl2020

Wherever We Dance Together

And with my skates
I draw my lines of poetry
on ice
Every word is elegantly
danced for you
A Dutch landscape around me
Mills, little lights
My well known homeland
in which I once made my life’s entry

My heart glows within
I look up
and see the stars above
I see you and me
dancing there together,
drawing our lines of love
between the stars

And then I know
my true homeland
is everywhere
it’s in the galaxy, on earth,
in dreams, in our hearts
wherever I dance with you

©RoseGirl2020

Lovable

And she tried to convince him
and the world
that she was kind,
that she was nice
that she was good,
that she was lovable
that she wasn’t bad,
that she wasn’t crazy
But maybe, she didn’t need
to convince anyone
Maybe, she only
needed to convince herself

©RoseGirl2020

You Turned On The Light

A still image
in black and white
Frozen in time
But then,
You turn on the light
to make
your colours
visible
And suddenly,
It’s like Spring
sprouts from your chest
and out of Winter’s death
out of the past,
green leaves grow
New melodies arise
And you’re alive again
with me
in the now

©RoseGirl2020

One Heart Of Two

All those people
that look and stare
into my eyes
As if they see something
unusual, unknown
Do they want to dip
into the nectar of love
I have for you in my heart
Do they want to look
inside?

As if they see that
it is not just a heart of one
But I have one heart of two

©RoseGirl2020

Womb

After a night full of rain
and a scarcity of sleep,
the sun breaks through
Curled up like a fetus
I lie on the couch
The clock ticks like a heartbeat
I let the sun be the womb
around me
that births me back into light

©RoseGirl2020

No Stars In The Sky

I look up
rain falls on my face
and washes my tears away
I can’t see the moon tonight
It’s all dark
No stars in the sky
Where are you, my love

The sounds of the city
in the distance
Cars chasing each other
Blended with the sound of rain
My beating heart within
tells me that even when
the stars and moon have gone
you’re never truly far away

©RoseGirl2020

Fingertips

May my words touch you
as though they are my fingertips
May they reach deep
as though they are my gaze
May you sense them on
and under your skin
lightly and gently
May you feel them in your heart
as though they make
breathtaking electricity

May my words touch you
as though they are me

©RoseGirl2020

Full Body Experience

And I cry
not just with my eyes
but with my whole body
A fluid ache of missing you
that flows like a turbulent
river through me and that
fills the emptiness
where your hands,
your arms, your body
should have been sensed

And I yearn for you
I yearn with every fiber
every cell
that calls your name,
calls you to my temple
An unquenchable fire
that rises up the spine

And I love you
not just with full heart
and full soul,
also with full body
As if every spot,
every piece of it
is a tangible expression
of my love for you
that can be sensed
that can be tasted
that can be smelled,
heard, seen and
danced

©RoseGirl2020

A Heart’s Length

You can lose money
You can lose status
You can lose faith
You can lose your mind
Though your heart
will catch you
and you can never
lose me

For there is an
eternal love string
between our hearts
Wherever you may go
Wherever I may go
We’re never more than
a heart’s length apart

©RoseGirl2020

Raw

And I could scream now,
the deep ache
I could smash it into words
and into a poem
Raw love, raw pain

I could scatter it around
I could roar it,
the missing you
I could make my lines
thunder and shake
crawl and howl

But instead,
I hold my cup of coffee
and stare
I hold my breath

And not even my tears
want to come out
to relieve my heart

©RoseGirl2020

Soft

I listen to your music
and let your voice
massage the tight and tense
muscles of my shoulders
I instantly melt under
its sweet touch
Your tones that dance
on my shoulders
to soften them
deeply,
as soft as you once
made my heart

©RoseGirl2020