And I could scream now,
the deep ache
I could smash it into words
and into a poem
Raw love, raw pain

I could scatter it around
I could roar it,
the missing you
I could make my lines
thunder and shake
crawl and howl

But instead,
I hold my cup of coffee
and stare
I hold my breath

And not even my tears
want to come out
to relieve my heart


Keep My Smile Safe

Will you keep my smile safe for me
for I’m afraid to lose it
My laughter, my light dancing steps
Store it carefully in your heart

When life’s challenges keep
crashing onto me
like tidal waves that brutally
seem to take it all away

Please keep my smile safe for me
So I can always find it back with you


Rocking Tears

Tears drop down
while Metallica’s
‘Nothing else matters’
is on the radio

Those free flowing
rocking tears
that know love so deeply
that they don’t care about
what others
may think no more
as the only truth
that matters
is in the heart

Tears that rock
for they miss you so much
They could shout it
over rooftops
Raw and powerful
How much they love you

They laugh and ache
and dance and scream
those rocking tears


The Healing Waters Of Poetry

When the pain of missing you
becomes almost unbearable
and is like a knife that pierces
my chest
When my mind can only think
in miles that lie between us
in words that haven’t been said
When my eyes only see
a big ocean before me
that separates two continents
and my heart cries yearning tears
then I dive into the healing
waters of poetry
to be together with you
in flowing words of love


I’m Still Holding On

A day that feels like a heavy stone
I try to lift it
But it falls out of my hands
The whole world rests on my shoulders
And I can’t get my feet off the ground
to dance
The tears are stuck in my heart
They don’t want to flow through my eyes
I try to write but the words don’t want to move
A ship of poetry that sinks with its poetess on it
And yet, my darling, as I promised
you, myself
I’m still holding on to love


Lost In Lisbon

Rain in sun shiny Lisbon
Wherever I go my tears follow me
I try to seek you in my words,
in every corner, every street,
in the movement of the city
the flow of the river,
in shop windows,
in wine and in fado, in poetry

And I know, I won’t find you there
for first, I have to find you within
to see you without
But sometimes, there is just
this big sea of tears between us
That makes me float away from myself and thus
from you


A Restless Seeker

There are moments that are perfect
when I feel you so strongly with me
as though you were here
Your energy as a presence
around me and within
That makes me feel complete
and deeply in love

And there are moments when
energy is not enough
And I crave for your physical presence
To feel your arms, your skin
Your body
To hear your voice directly
To smell you and look into your eyes

And then I’m a restless seeker
Cut into two pieces
Soul pain that is physically felt
A body that is homesick
And I could scream, run
look everywhere
for you, my other half
The way Isis sought
her Osiris
The way Juliet grieved over
her Romeo
And then I’m just an earthly
character in our story
And can do nothing but
to wait for angel wings
to save me once again
as they let me rise above
the illusive world


To Another Universe

My head explodes with headaches
that blow up my mind
and suck me
into a black hole of nauseous pain

My love, with your arms around me
Let’s float away
to another universe
Where pain does not exist
And where together we count
the shooting stars
that fall as blessings upon us

And where what is One
will remain One always


Burning Pain

A fire burns me down
I am the Notre Dame
My structure falls apart
My tower collapses
Brutal, burning pain
rages through my temple
There is nothing left to do now
but to pray

But see, my altar of love
is still standing
My holy grail for you is saved
And if everything inside me is ashes,
rebuild me with your hands
let your love be my foundation
from which I can rise again


When Poetry Cannot Soothe

I miss you so much, my love
Sometimes it almost drives me nuts
This feeling of missing you
that no tear can cry off my heart

Though I always feel you with me,
it’s the look of your eyes
The embrace of your arms
that I want to see and feel
And that I miss so much

And I could try now to make
a beautiful poem of it
To take some metaphors
But sometimes reality
is not that poetic
And poetry cannot soothe
an ‘I miss you’


The Days Without You

My love, the days without you
are empty spaces,
I can’t fill up with words no more
The days without you
are like sand that slips through
my fingers,
happiness I can’t truly hold
Even the heavy, solid tears
that drop from my eyes
leak through

My days, my hands,
empty, bottomless
as they want to hold you


On The Ruins

The earth shook,
wept, screamed
and burst of pain
The town came down
Only ruins remained
And this morning
it is so quiet that
you can hear tears fall

But why, oh why
does the sun still rise
why oh why does it make
the light dance
that shines on
the broken pieces

It is love that can’t stop to love
that comes as the wind,
strokes her face,
caresses her wounds
and moves her once again
to get up


Down On My Knees

When in the darkest of the night
you lie down on the ground
With swords stabbed in your back
Wounded and unarmed
All what is left is to surrender
to die and to shed
another layer of you
To turn your head to the side
to look at the rising light
of the dawn on the horizon
For there’s a power
much greater than you



And I roar underwater,
scream in air bubbles,
shout in slow-motion,
cry a sea of tears

Heaven is a blurred image
above me
And the ocean around
is wide and deep

Please help me find
the sunken city of Atlantis
and let us raise
out of the waters
paradise anew


Phantom Pain

And while I lie in my bed
and I stare in the dark
I try to find you everywhere

I search in memories,
in my heartbreak
I even feel with my hand
next to me in the bed

My body aches
as I suffer from phantom pain
I’ve been amputated
of my other half
Part of my soul
that has been cut off
And I just want it
to be whole again



There is always the whisper inside
that says ‘I miss you’
I try to cover it with optimistic poetry
But sometimes,
it is a heartbreaking scream
That, with all its force,
breaks through the ceiling
And leaves me wretched
among shattered pieces of
heart and words


My Head To Rest On Your Chest

Please wipe away my tears, my love
And caress my bleeding heart in your hands
May I lay my heavy head to rest on your chest
May I sink into the comfort of the sound
of your heartbeat in my ear
My naked skin on yours
And your arms holding me
Until the night will pass
And the sun will shine again
Until there are no tears left
And my head and heart
can get up by themselves again



The sky burns
in pink and orange this morning
A nauseous longing
inside of me
A headache knocks
strongly in my head
as my thoughts
scream out for you
My lungs
have a hard time to breathe
A pull in my soul
towards you
And on my cheeks
bittersweet tears

I am exhausted
of the journey
and sick
In my craving for home


A Wooden Doll

The muscles of my back and neck
are stiff and aching
I’m like a wooden doll
and can’t move no more

I am trapped in my body
Stuck on my bed
The tides that have thrown
a fish onto the land
And the fish has nowhere to go

The only thing that is fluid is
the waves of sadness rolling
through me
My ocean of longing for you
And I can only dance my way out
by poetry


Empty Your Clouds

Oh girl, oh girl, there you go again
All day long you try to write your way
out of the sadness
But you cannot fight it with lines of poetry
As your tears keep catching up
with your pen

You try so hard to inspire
To be a light to the world
to yourself and your beloved
But if the waters need to flow
Just let them flow now
Let your teardrops rain down
And empty your clouds
from their heaviness


Hold Me In The Now

Hold me, my love
As I need to forget
In your arms

Please, sing for me
Read your poetry,
Dance, jump, play
Make love to me
Tell me stories,
tell me jokes
And hold me
even closer

Just do everything
you can imagine
To stop those tears
running down my cheeks

And hold me
in the now
Far away from past
And future



I’m here all alone
The lights have already been
turned off
And everyone has left me
I’m like a ghost
And have nowhere to go
But staying here

Am I just left behind
like trash that you throw
after it served its purpose?
What is a friend and
who can you trust?
I care so much
about others
But in the end
who truly cares
about me?

I’m here all alone
And now even
the questions have left me
I’m just a ghost
that talks to itself
Trash that is thrown


Next: Be Ghosts Together


And she took a hammer
And knocked all her words down
She left her house of poetry
She ran and kept running
She ran for the hills
Far out of sight
It was a cold day
And the wind from the east
made her tears freeze
on her cheeks

She ran until the cold
completely caught her
And what was then left of her
was a frozen still life of pain


Next: Melting

The Widow

And when her man left
It was like he was dead
She grieved and she mourned
She cried all day long
At the grave
In which she had buried
all the painful memories
That still came to haunt her
in her nights without sleep
She was a widow of her man
And she veiled herself in black

But her man had never been dead
He had only left
to catch the sun for her
And the day when he came back
to bring her his offer
He couldn’t find her no more
As his wild rose had withered
And she now was the black widow of sorrow



Waves of pain are rolling through my body
Like I am in labor
And I give birth to my heartache

Pain in my hands, my arms
Pain in my head, my chest
Pain in my belly, my back

Pain in my thoughts, my feelings
Pain in my hope, my tears
Pain in my muscles, my veins
Pain in my love, my soul
Pain in me, in you

It’s pain I breathe, pain I walk,
It’s pain I write
It’s pain I give birth to in my poem


The Most Desperate Poem I Have Ever Written

They always tell me that there is hope
in each of my poems
Even when it is written
in deep sadness
But this time I will not find a rainbow
on the other end of my tears

I cry and I cry and I cry
already for hours and hours
and I am scared, oh so scared
I can hardly breathe
as I hit the bottom of the bottom

I discovered
That I have an ugly part in me
That doesn’t believe
It doesn’t believe in myself, in you,
in love, in God or in anything.
It believes perhaps only in coincidences

It has lost all trust, all hope, all faith
in life
And it is cynical and doubting
It even hates itself
It thinks it will lose your love
As it doesn’t deserve

It thinks things will never change
and it will cry and cry for the rest of my days
And it will never be able
to change itself or to make changes
in the outside world
And there will be no happy ending


Mourning Sky

The sky above Lisbon mourns
It left its bright colours
and pours its heart out
upon the tiled streets
No umbrella gives shelter
as heaven’s teardrops
and its wind of sorrow
break through any shield


Girl By The River

There is a girl on the riverbank
And she waits for him
Her gaze longs
in the distance
There where the river flows
into the ocean
Far beyond her eyes can reach
But her heart knows where to look

She watches the ships that sail by
And counts time
While her tears drop one by one
into the water
The river carries them away
and brings them to the ocean
Far beyond her eyes can see
But her tears know where to flow



The Dutch sea seems endless
Emptiness stretches
in front of me
Waves come my way
And then suddenIy
I stand with my feet
in the water

And I could drown now
In my longing for you
In my fears of a love
we do not control

Take my hand and please
dive now with me
What else could we do
The water is everywhere
And we both lost our smiles
Before the sea takes us
Let us take the sea


Candy Words

Can we go back in time
When you were still here
When all was fine
As long as I was with you

When you saw me
always pure, always beautiful
How you adored me,
bought me candy
Told me sweetest words
and would like to give me
everything I wished for

Can I sit with you, grandmother
Can I lay my heavy head on your lap
Will you stroke my hair
With tender, wrinkled hands that smell of smoke

And then tell me that it will be fine,
’cause that’s my wish
That you love me, that he loves me
-please tell me all your sweetest candy words
That you still see my inner diamond shine
And then pray my candy man
here back with me


The Greatest Pain

Ugly words
Ugly story
Poetry left
and beauty
Just as you
and Summer did

My heart is squeezed
I cannot breathe
The greatest pain is
to be without you
And to exist
withhout existing


I Love You

I want to shout at you,
scream at you
throw sharp words
of raging red
to crumble down
the wall around your heart
For what you have said
Most for what you haven’t
For all of my hurt
For all of my sadness

But as I love every piece of you
So much, so true, so deep
I even love
the wall around your heart

And please,
will you still love me
in all of my colours
even when I show you
my angry part


A Curtain Of Teardrops

A curtain of teardrops before my eyes
And I fall into Fall again
The same pain,
the same cycle
So close and yet
so far away

Bonded in sadness
we are
connected in our broken hearts
And now it’s my turn
to wait for the sun
to show its face