Pain

Waves of pain are rolling through my body
Like I am in labor
And I give birth to my heartache

Pain in my hands, my arms
Pain in my head, my chest
Pain in my belly, my back

Pain in my thoughts, my feelings
Pain in my hope, my tears
Pain in my muscles, my veins
Pain in my love, my soul
Pain in me, in you

It’s pain I breathe, pain I walk,
It’s pain I write
It’s pain I give birth to in my poem

©RoseGirl2018

The Most Desperate Poem I Have Ever Written

They always tell me that there is hope
in each of my poems
Even when it is written
in deep sadness
But this time I will not find a rainbow
on the other end of my tears

I cry and I cry and I cry
already for hours and hours
and I am scared, oh so scared
I can hardly breathe
as I hit the bottom of the bottom

I discovered
That I have an ugly part in me
That doesn’t believe
It doesn’t believe in myself, in you,
in love, in God or in anything.
It believes perhaps only in coincidences

It has lost all trust, all hope, all faith
in life
And it is cynical and doubting
It even hates itself
It thinks it will lose your love
As it doesn’t deserve

It thinks things will never change
and it will cry and cry for the rest of my days
And it will never be able
to change itself or to make changes
in the outside world
And there will be no happy ending

©RoseGirl2018

Girl By The River

There is a girl on the riverbank
And she waits for him
Her gaze longs
in the distance
There where the river flows
into the ocean
Far beyond her eyes can reach
But her heart knows where to look

She watches the ships that sail by
And counts time
While her tears drop one by one
into the water
The river carries them away
and brings them to the ocean
Far beyond her eyes can see
But her tears know where to flow

©RoseGirl2018

Diving

The Dutch sea seems endless
Emptiness stretches
in front of me
Waves come my way
And then suddenIy
I stand with my feet
in the water

And I could drown now
In my longing for you
In my fears of a love
we do not control

Take my hand and please
dive now with me
What else could we do
The water is everywhere
And we both lost our smiles
Before the sea takes us
Let us take the sea

©RoseGirl2018

Candy Words

Grandmother,
Can we go back in time
When you were still here
When all was fine
As long as I was with you

When you saw me
always pure, always beautiful
How you adored me,
bought me candy
Told me sweetest words
and would like to give me
everything I wished for

Can I sit with you, grandmother
Can I lay my heavy head on your lap
Will you stroke my hair
With tender, wrinkled hands that smell of smoke

And then tell me that it will be fine,
’cause that’s my wish
That you love me, that he loves me
-please tell me all your sweetest candy words
That you still see my inner diamond shine
And then pray my candy man
here back with me

©RoseGirl2018

I Love You

I want to shout at you,
scream at you
throw sharp words
of raging red
to crumble down
the wall around your heart
For what you have said
Most for what you haven’t
For all of my hurt
For all of my sadness

But as I love every piece of you
So much, so true, so deep
I even love
the wall around your heart

And please,
will you still love me
in all of my colours
even when I show you
my angry part

©RoseGirl2018

A Curtain Of Teardrops

A curtain of teardrops before my eyes
And I fall into Fall again
The same pain,
the same cycle
So close and yet
so far away

Bonded in sadness
we are
connected in our broken hearts
And now it’s my turn
to wait for the sun
to show its face
again

©RoseGirl2018

Wild Horses

I ride my wild horses
through the dark woods
Where thorns and needles
split open old wounds

And rain falls hard upon me
Shadows all around me
And I loose my hands
As there isn’t a use
in pulling the reins

Oh wild horses
Where are you going
Is it the untamed fire
that inflames you
even more?

Now the raging fears
have free rein
I seek for my heart
to guide me
on this wild ride
out of the maze

©RoseGirl2018

Parachute

I’m losing ground
and I’m falling
Keep on falling
Where are my angel wings
My fairy powders
Why is everything
so real
And my dreams
don’t take me in?

Where are my stories
with happy endings
Where are my poems
that let me fly

And I am falling
Keep on falling
Can you catch me, love
Make me a parachute
As my tears
do not have a hold
And my fears
seem to pull me down

Let me land safely
into new worlds
Where the rivers are flowing,
always flowing
And where no frontiers
can divide
Where fields are wide
and open
And a rose reminds me
of what is locked
deep down inside

©RoseGirl2018

Swords

Sharp words have torn apart my heart
Dark shadows have fallen upon us
The night came showing us no mercy

Though the swords that cut my heart
Mirror me the beauty
Of a heart that is wounded
As it loves so deeply

Please don’t let the night divide us
At least let us meet again by day

©RoseGirl2018

Present

Each word is a teardrop
I shed for you
Rivers of aching liquid
that flow from my eyes
into my pen and clot
on the paper

The page is a blank pool
that has absorbed
a still life of pain

Each teardrop
is a witness of
how you are present
in absence
Of how the love
flows out of my eyes

©RoseGirl2018

Rocks In The River

There are rocks in the river
That block the water from flowing
The river keeps its tales unrevealed
And I am lost for words

I want to swim in your depths
Get drown in the waters of your heart
Float in your ocean
Your current will lead me
back to my words

©RoseGirl2018

Unnamed Tears

When our paths parted
I tried to write
About our love
Though
All the words in the world
Weren’t able to fill up
The emptiness
You left behind
So
I parted with words
And what was once empty
Is now a lake
Filled with unnamed tears

©RoseGirl2017

Thousand Pieces Of Loving You

August came
And broke a heart
Thousand pieces of loving you
All over the place
Summer ended
Before it yet could start

September came
And broke some thoughts
Thousand pieces fell
Back into place
It was not you whom I had lost
But I lost myself
in the mirror of love

©RoseGirl2017

Wall Of Silence

You drew the line
A wall of silence
Built up by words
That have never been said
I sent airplanes to cross
Though they have been crashed
Into this wall of silence
Now the land is divided
And we weed our own fields
Silence speaks
More than words could express
Truth lies on both sides
Of this wall of silence
As we walk our paths
on the same green grass

©RoseGirl2017

More Here Than Ever

This town here at the river breathes you
I follow the flow of the water
And I know it leads to you
The ships that are sailing by
Will they once return?
Will they come back to listen
To the story that still burns?

In these sunny streets I walk
Towards brightly missing you
The town holds all the tales
How I would long to tell you
The birds here sing your name
The crowded square looks empty
And the buildings lost their colours
Now they all look grey

Even though you’re not there
You’re more here
than you ever were

©RoseGirl2017