Fear Of Abandonment

Once a baby cried and cried
She had been born lost into the world
And her mother couldn’t take it no more,
left the house and left the small baby girl alone
Her father couldn’t take it either
and started to beat the newborn
to make her stop crying
Later it turned out, she cried
because all the time she had been underfed

And there she was all on her own
The hands that needed to protect her,
beat her and retreated themselves
She learned that love wasn’t unconditional
and she could be abandoned
anytime

And now that baby girl in me
is crying again
as she can’t believe
that our love is unconditional,
whatever happens, whatever we do
And she is terrified and panicked
to be abandoned
to lose you, lose your love
to be alone, without protection

Can we please both take that babygirl in me
and craddle and cuddle her in our arms
and then tell her that we will never
retreat our love from her
we will never leave her
and keep her always in our hearts

©RoseGirl2018

A Selfie Of Us

I have a picture of us together in my hand
We had just met for the first time
But it felt
like I had always known you

I smile, I shine by your side
My eyes say: ‘I have finally found him!’
Our bodies bend towards each other
You feel how our energies
want to merge

You look at me via the screen
Your eyes dreamy,
they want to lock
with mine
But they also look
a bit sad and melancholy
Your eyes say: ‘I have finally found her! But I know too,
it will be a hard journey
before we reach home.’

©RoseGirl2018

Pain

Waves of pain are rolling through my body
Like I am in labor
And I give birth to my heartache

Pain in my hands, my arms
Pain in my head, my chest
Pain in my belly, my back

Pain in my thoughts, my feelings
Pain in my hope, my tears
Pain in my muscles, my veins
Pain in my love, my soul
Pain in me, in you

It’s pain I breathe, pain I walk,
It’s pain I write
It’s pain I give birth to in my poem

©RoseGirl2018

I Wear The Same Dress

Do you remember that magical night
in that small village in the Dutch countryside?
Where time seemed to have stopped
In that farm barn in grass land
under the moon and under the stars

How you told you were on
your own way
And how I had just freed myself
out of my cage
The world was in front of us

We had stars in our eyes
that night
And in each other’s starry eyes
we drowned
in an endless moment
where there was just you and me
as the center of the universe
All the rest seemed to have faded away

Our eyes magnetized our bodies together
Until we almost touched
I already loved you
But from that day on
I loved you even more

I sank in your arms
In your gentle embrace
It contained the whole world
I was shot onto the stars
And I made a wish that it would
never end no more

You told me that I looked great
And your eyes absorbed me
Like I have never been seen
by anyone before

Do you remember that magical night
Today I wear the same dress
And it longs to be seen and admired
by your starry eyes

©RoseGirl2018

The Pain Of Being Excluded

Once there was a bird,
And you could call her a strange bird
As she was not like the others,
She was different
So yes, maybe she was a bit strange
indeed.
Her feathers were coloured
And instead of just singing bird things
She sang her poetry

And one day she went to the forest
Of the black and white birds
And there was a singing bird
She wanted to listen to him, to his concert
She wanted to be part and join the others

But from his high tree he shouted:
WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE
YOU ARE NOT WELCOME
YOU WEIRD BIRD YOU SUCK!!!
And all the other birds
started to laugh at her

She could not believe
She didn’t understand
She only came to bring her colours
and sing him her poems of love
And now she was being excluded
And had to leave

And lonely and on her own
She cried and was in pain
It was like she had no right to exist
She wanted to hide her colours
and to paint them black and white

But then there was a wise owl
Who had watched and heard it all
And he said:
‘Oh strange bird, be proud to be strange as you add colours
to a forrest that has lost its shine’

And indeed
In fact,
the singing bird could never forget about the strange bird
And he kept wondering about her
He had only excluded her
because her colourful shine had blinded and scared him

And one day he regretted
and he flew over to her
He asked her
to teach him her colourful,
strange ways
and to sing in his forest

©RoseGirl2018

If The Love Flows (Song)

There are days
that thoughts arise
and big mountains appear

Days that we don’t know
what to do
And all feels troubled
and unclear

But if the love flows
We don’t need to worry no more
For all is the right time
And that’s just fine

We help one another grow
We learn, we dance, sing and create

Every day we come closer
to our dream
And everything is safe and well
as long as we believe

And if the love flows
We don’t need to worry no more
For all is the right time
And that’s just fine

We give it all to God
We give it to the stars
And then we only need to love

song: if the love flows

©RoseGirl2018

Feel Me In Your Heart

I take your head
between my hands
And one by one I kiss
each of your worries
and nerves away
And make your lips
smile again

And then,
Feel me in your heart
How I fill every piece of it
with love and warmth
How I ease your pain,
Light up the dark parts
And give you strength

©RoseGirl2018

In The Name Of Love

We are on the battlefield
And we are both fighting with our minds
It presents us its weapons
There is the concept of time that puts pressure on us
There are the doubts of not being able to, of worries about what could happen or what is not
There are the fears that arise and arise
And become big monsters
But the angels are with us
Our connection is divinely protected
And I still hold your hand
In this battle in the name of love
Together we are stronger than ever

©RoseGirl2018

Letting Go Of Time

Let’s find peace again within, my dear
I feel your heartbeat racing inside of me
And mine is a running horse too
I am gasping for my breath
Let’s step out of the concept of time
Our love rises above any clock,
The when doesn’t matter
Only trust that it will happen
And that we feel what we need to do
If we listen to the guidance of our soul
Let’s ground ourselves in our love,
ground it in the now
That’s where infinity starts

©RoseGirl2018

Promise

Whatever may happen
And how long or short it may take
I promise you to stay strong,
to keep faith
And to continue to help you,
help myself
To let you lead me and lead you
And not let us down
To believe in this love and in us
Always
Do you promise me
the same?

©RoseGirl2018

Once The Love Birds Fly, They Fly

Once the love birds fly, they fly
And we will find our way,
With the wings of true love
Any problem can be solved
Any ocean can be crossed

Money is not an issue,
there is enough
And life will always provide
for the ones
that dare to follow their hearts

I made space for you here in my house
The little birds will love you
like I do
But I can also follow you to
wherever in the world
I can go and live anywhere
Since I am home
as long as I am with you

©RoseGirl2018

I Have A Big, Big Dream

My dear, I have a dream
A big, big dream
Just look together with me
at the screen
And I will show you

See how we are together
How we are giving each other strength
See how we get married
I am your forever wife,
You my forever husband
How we make love, laugh, shed our tears and our joy
How we sleep in each other’s arms
And wake up in the morning
With the sun shining on our face
How we travel, see the world
But always return home

See how we light up
the world around us by our love and how we fulfill our mission
By sharing our living example of true love and compassion on stage
How love is stronger always
and can conquer anything
How we share our stories,
read our poetry, make music
and sing
How we write and create together
Making the world a better place
by our art
How we help others heal and how we inspire
How we dance together

Just look at the screen with me
See how I have this dream
This big, big dream
And how real it can be

©RoseGirl2018

Invite Me

My man, I take my sword of true love
And cut out the fears, doubts and sadness
I cut out the rotten things
in our land of love
I hold your hand
And I am strong with you
I cannot do it all alone
We need each other always
And stand up for what is right

You do your part, I do mine
As we liberate our land
And fight this battle
We strongly push our minds away
And decisions are made
that from now on
we let our hearts rule

No more doubts, no more tears,
No more fears, no more despair,
we are done.
It’s time to dance, to sing, to celebrate
And to have blind trust and faith

Do you see the white church over there,
In the capital of our love land?
Do you hear the church bells ringing?
They are already singing
about the celebration
I’d like to go inside
How I would love to go there
I have my ticket,
I could go in all alone and by myself
But I want you to invite me
personally first

As I need to respect the rules
that say, a man’s woman should always go
through the main entrance
and in the light
and should never need to hide
or sneak around
She wants to be seen by your side
There where she always was
and always will be
She wants the waters to be clear
She wants to be truly welcome

So tell me if that’s what you want
Use your voice, your hand to write
or send me a messenger or come in person anytime
To tell me the news
that your woman is invited
to celebrate
together with you

©RoseGirl2018

Anger With God And Life

Dear God,
I don’t like this anymore
I am done.
Done to be an actor
in this play that I am performing
on the stage of life
It really starts to get too real
Since you are the producer
Why did you choose
such a horror scenario
for me? Why, why oh why?
It really sucks, God!
It just goes from drama to drama
From worse to worser
and I even get tired
by my own tears
Although you might think
I am the best actor for this role
I now really want to quit my job

(B.T.W. But then only quit together with my Romeo).

©RoseGirl2018

The Most Desperate Poem I Have Ever Written

They always tell me that there is hope
in each of my poems
Even when it is written
in deep sadness
But this time I will not find a rainbow
on the other end of my tears

I cry and I cry and I cry
already for hours and hours
and I am scared, oh so scared
I can hardly breathe
as I hit the bottom of the bottom

I discovered
That I have an ugly part in me
That doesn’t believe
It doesn’t believe in myself, in you,
in love, in God or in anything.
It believes perhaps only in coincidences

It has lost all trust, all hope, all faith
in life
And it is cynical and doubting
It even hates itself
It thinks it will lose your love
As it doesn’t deserve

It thinks things will never change
and it will cry and cry for the rest of my days
And it will never be able
to change itself or to make changes
in the outside world
And there will be no happy ending

©RoseGirl2018

It Always Is Darkest Before Dawn

Here I am on the battlefields
And I am crawling through the mud of despair
I am wounded everywhere,
You would not even recognize
my face if you saw it
As it is covered with
tears of blood and dirt
This journey takes so long now
And I am so, oh so tired
Since I fought so many battles
With myself, my mind, with God
and with ravens

But then I see
your finger pointing
At the open sky
It tells me: look, look
We are almost there
Still have hope
You have the strength
Get up and raise your sword
Defeat your mind
It always is darkest before dawn

©RoseGirl2018

Receiving The Rose

For some time
The rose has been in its bud
Waiting to blossom into
the world outside

Though if you listened carefully
Its songs could already be heard
As a promise, an answer
to the one for whom it is meant
But it needed some rain
and the sun first

And then the day arrives
That it opens itself to the light
And bursts fully into beauty
Each of its petals is a pearl
That my eyes, my ears,
my heart absorb
The rose and the rose
become one

I receive.
I receive you.
And I am proud of you,
touched
and grateful
For this true gift of love
from your heart

©RoseGirl2018

Behind The Scenes

There are things
that are not yet visible
That are now hidden
behind the scenes
Don’t look at the stage
When the real show is
behind the curtains
What you see
isn’t what it seems
Don’t lose him in things
that are not really him
in other people’s words,
in external places
where he not really is
As the true him is in him
Don’t look at the clouds
But at the clear sky behind
Don’t look outside
But find him at home
There where he is in the house
of your heart

©RoseGirl2018

Allowing You To Lead Me

Take my hand, we go on a walk
Show me what you want me to see
Let me hear what you want me to listen to
Point at what is a matter of your heart
As we make a trip into your world

Do I need to see the moving images?
Or imagine the story behind?
Do I need to look at the cover
Or hear the music inside?
Do I need to feel the raindrops
Or the sun shining on my skin?
Do you want me to read the words
Or do you want me to read between the lines?
Do you want me to see the signs
you put for me in the open sky?
Do you want me to see the rose
Or the tree, or maybe both?

Maybe you want me to see it all
Or do you want me to be blind
and to feel only?
I can even come closer
But only if you invite

I will follow your arm, your hand,
your finger
and look where it is pointed at
You can even cover my eyes
I will allow you to lead me
And I will trust
your heart and mine

©RoseGirl2018

We Are On This Journey Together

My brave knight,
I know, things have been hard
You went to the battlefield
With many strifes along your path

Things could be ugly,
raw and sharp
It wasn’t what you thought
it was
Nothing was the same
no more
You struggled through the mud
Through dark and dirt
You got wounded by thorns

You thought you lost your heart
and lost your mind
But it was the rose,
the flame inside
that pushed you to go
to places out of your comfort zone
Where you never went before

And all the time I was with you
Facing my battles,
my strifes along the path
We are on this journey together
Always working as a team
As we clean
and liberate our land of love

©RoseGirl2018

Dance Of Love

My dancing man,
We dance this dance of love
together
You take a step, I take one
I move you, you move me

We dance as two bodies
And then
we become fluid
And dance as one

We take it slowly
sometimes
But it can be also wild

A passionate tango,
A quick step
A whirlwind of turmoil
On the dance floor

A folk dance, a free dance
A ballet
A swing, a slow dance
Or the shake

We explored
the black and white,
And the grey
We danced
in complete darkness
And then danced back
into the light

Now we add colours
to our dance
more and more
As we dance our way
in this dance of love

©RoseGirl2018

The Art Of Writing Sad Songs

How do you make
sadness beautiful?
Please learn me the art of
writing sad songs
Can I just drop
my tears into it now
And then they will flow
into a melody on its own?

Or do I need to catch my heartache
and make it substantial
by words and a tune
And then to make it
even more sad
to refrain it
from all hope?

But how do I add the beauty
Do you have the recipe
for that
My tears keep on falling
And they don’t feel
like diamonds
But more like stones

I think to really learn the art
of writing sad songs
I need to learn it in a duet
with you
But then probably
It won’t be sad anymore
but it will be just a happy song

©RoseGirl2018

Triggering

It’s like there are
threads of electricity
between us
And every move you make
Gives a reaction in me
It triggers my
mirror neurons
Stirs up my
chemicals,
It touches my
emotions
As both our bodies
and our soul
long for harmony
And for
a restored
and healed
Equilibrium

©RoseGirl2018

You Dance

Hey babe, you dance
Like I’ve never seen you
dancing before
Like you feel more
free now

Take me,
Pull me all over the dance floor
that we make
ourselves here
under the sun and under the trees

And we dance
and we sing
We have our own music

We dance
until the night falls
We make
the starry sky ours

Until our feet
can’t carry us
no more

And we fall asleep
You
in my arms

And we dance
further
in our dancing dreams

©RoseGirl2018

You Look Radiant

Several people told me
‘You look radiant
Your eyes are shining’
But my love, is it you
As I have you in my heart
The love that shines from my eyes
like sun rays,
lights up the world around me
It makes me alive
like I never was before
My face has softened
It shows more and more
the innocence of a child
Through you, this pure love
that fuels me

©RoseGirl2018

When Christmas Lost Its Magic

When the days
get darker and colder
And Christmas decorations
start to appear
I wonder,

Why do people beat and shout
And then sit in the church
And praise God?

Why did they tell me
It is not allowed
to tell lies
And then they made me believe
in Santa Claus?

And if Santa Claus doesn’t exist
– A man I loved sincerely,
I felt deeply betrayed
when they admitted
they had fooled me-
Does then God exist
Or did they make him up
And do I love a fantasy?

Is Christmas going to be
heavy and lonely again
With painful, decorated illusions
Without you here
Or do I fear a past
that isn’t the future?

Why did they tell me
what I saw and felt
as a sensitive child
was not true
And instead they wanted me
to believe their own lies
about a happy family
Lies, they wanted to believe themselves?

And if my reality has been denied
Are my dreams then real
If my existence has been ignored
Do I then exist?

Why did he say
after he beat me
I had imagined it
And when I thought differently
It was my own fault?

What is a lie
And what is the truth
What is honesty
Is the truth literally
Or is it a story
with a hidden meaning
underneath?

Can I trust true love
And what I feel inside
Despite Christmas lost its magic
And in the past
they told me too many lies?

Or is it that
Christmas lost its magic
But in fact,
my heart never did?

©RoseGirl2018

Just To Drive Away

Every time when the hurt
gets too bad
Or when happiness comes
too close
You want to run for the hills
You want to jump in your car
and drive away

Far and even farther
Where no one can find you
Where you can hide
in dreams that got too real,
behind mountains
you built yourself

And you drive even faster
Like you chase yourself
And you want escape
your own heart
that starts to beat even faster
And you know
it will catch you in the end

©RoseGirl2018

Storytelling

My dear storyteller,
As you catch your world
in stories
Can you catch me too
in it, in a blissful storyline
with you?

My dear storyteller,
With your suitcase
full of stories
Can you please tell
How it all went
further between you and me?
How our storylines met
and blent
with each other
And how we then
lived happily ever after?

©RoseGirl2018

I Believe In Love

Dear mind,

You did your job.
For many, many years you offered
me a shelter, a safe place to stay
When the waters of emotions
were too stormy
And the underground vulcanos
were spitting too much pain
When the wild horses around me
seemed to be out of control
You were the one who took
the reins

But since true love found
its way in me
and wants to flow freely
from my soul into my heart
I realize, how you trouble its waters
How you put rocks
in the river
How you block
my soul song to be fully
sung in my heart
How you make scenarios,
bad stories and tell me lies
How you make love cynical
How you build a wall inside

All the headaches I suffered
when I started to live
and believe in you
My head almost exploding
A build-up of pressure
An overload of energy

I know, you did it for the best
you wanted to prevent me
from being disappointed,
being hurt

But my heart can stand
on its own now
It can rule its own waters
As it carries the truth within
Only in love I want to believe

So from today I will stand up
for my heart
As with a dandelion,
I will blow all the seeds
of doubts away
And if needed,
I will even be willing to firmly
push you aside
When you come in between
me and love
and you want to build your dams and dikes
again

For I want to love him
purely and nakedly
He, my true soul love
And then there is no room for fears
There isn’t any threat
I don’t need to be protected
As I will be love itself
And the pure water of true love
is everything that will be left
And the only truth to navigate on

Not yours anymore,
Rose Girl

©RoseGirl2018

Endless Poetry

I think I am done now
I wrote you
everything you need to know
In hundreds of poems
I sang you
about all the shades of our love
Yes, I think
I’ve run out of words now
and I have nothing more to say
Oh wait.
Maybe.
One last thing.
Did I already
tell you
that I love you?

I think
I could write
One more poem about
that.
Or two
Or……

©RoseGirl2018

Fear Of Separation

When the sun parts the day
When consiousness parts subconsciousness
And the night falls
I hear the cawing of the ravens
And my fears arise

Sleeping is like dying
And every night I die again
I lose me,
lose you
Death that seperates
And in the morning
I need to retrieve me,
retrieve you again

Can you please come
to me in my dreams
Kiss me in my sleep
And wake me up

Tell me I can never lose
your love
Like you can never lose me
In heart we never leave
each other
In soul we never part

©RoseGirl2018

The Soldiers Of Your Heart

Several times the castle of your heart
has been roughly invaded
By the ones who you thought you
could trust
and who would never betray you

You could not believe, you cursed
your own good, pure heart
They took your treasures and turned
the place upside down
And all what was left was hurt,
sad songs, broken dreams
and melancholy

And then you called in the soldiers
and an army of ravens
to keep guard
at the entrance of the castle of your heart
to not let anyone come close
not let anyone come in
no more

But one day your own queen
came home
The One you have been waiting for
all your life

And when she knocked on the door
of your castle
The soldiers and the ravens did their work
They fought and battled with weapons of harsh words,
coldness and distance
They did all they could

But where all the others would
already have left and ran for the hills
She stood her ground there
and continued to sing you
her love songs

And through the window of your heart
the wind carried them inside
And it made you even long more for her
You wanted to jump on your horse,
open the door,
wanted to ride out
But there were the soldiers
and ravens outside

They needed to protect you
But in fact, they have locked you
inside the castle of your heart

And sometimes you even forget
that they only obey you
And that you are the one
who is in charge

©RoseGirl2018

Through Your Eyes, Through My Eyes

Can I lend your eyes
and can I see myself
like you do
Can I look
through your lens of love

The child I was
The small girl that suffered
All alone
And that was told
She was bad
and did not have
a right to exist
How she seeked
a place to stay
in her dreams

The young woman
that was lost
Did not know what to do
Did not even want to live
As she thought
Life did not want her
How she married a man
that beat the hell out of her

Can I lend your eyes
and see the light
you’ve always seen in me
By your eyes I heal
and be the woman I am today
and always have been
Can your eyes cry
my forgotten tears

You can lend my eyes
and see yourself
like I do
You can look
through my lens of love

The small boy you were
The young man you grew
How you were lost
and lonely in a world
that did not seem
to understand you
Who could you trust
after your heart was broken
How you seeked
a safe place
in your dreams
My eyes cry
your forgotten tears

Will you believe in yourself
like I do
Will you love yourself
and see your own beauty
How I always see your light
shining and how I love
every single part of you

I will allow your eyes
Will you allow mine
to see
to mourn
to love
and to believe

©RoseGirl2018

Good Is Good Enough

And I think,
This all is too good
I am not good enough
Maybe
I don’t deserve
the clear, blue skies
And the sun shining
on my face

I don’t deserve
Days full of happiness
The tender hands of love
Him always by my side
The cherry on top

And you think,
This all is too good
I am not good enough
Maybe
I don’t deserve
to fly
in clear, open skies
and to dance
with her
until the end of days

I don’t deserve the rose
The tender hands of love
Her head on my chest
To rest in her arms
The cherry on top

But maybe,
It all just feels good
Things are good, we are good
And good is good enough

©RoseGirl2018

Insecurities

You dip with your toe in the water
You want to dive
But there are the sharks of doubts
Appearing from the dark pool
of your mind

What if, they say
You can’t, you won’t be able to
What if the bottom will be hit
And you can’t swim
back to the surface

What if the waters of love
are a mirage
And when you look into its mirror
you will only see you
in the end

What if, they say
No, you can’t
No, you won’t

But the sharks
are not the only ones
that are in the water

Do you see the dolphins
over there?
How they play in the waves
together, like children
Swimming freely,
moving up and down

Yes you can, they say
It’s okay, you can trust
All is fine, all is safe
Just dive and come play
with us

And look, next to you
You are not alone
Here is my hand
I dip with my toe in the water
I smile at you, we look
at the dolphins
I count to three
And then we dive

©RoseGirl2018

Returning Home

I thought I had found a home
in the town of fado by the river
And could at least feel at home
again in the flat lands

But here and abroad
All the magical places lost
their splendour and colours
Since you are not with me
to paint them no more

My home, your home, is not
in external, geographic places
It is in the radiating love
within our hearts
It is in the warmth we feel
when we are in each other’s arms
It is when our eyes lock
And magnetize us together
As though we were one

It is there
It is that what we find
when we return home

©RoseGirl2018

Giving Up My License As A Counseling Psychologist

I undressed myself today
From a piece of clothing
That was too tight
And had become too soiled
That I only wore
and showed
as a facade to the world
A piece of glitter and glamour
that had a dimed shine

I didn’t like
to wear it
but feared my nakedness
And didn’t know
what to wear instead

I thought that
that piece of clothing
was me
But in fact,
I was me underneath

And now
I am even more
a piece of art

©RoseGirl2018

Heart Deaf

You do what you do
But do you like it
Are you happy now
Are you at ease

There are these noises
You don’t want to listen
You try to be deaf
to the sounds in your ears

Is your heart crying
Do you try to shut down
the voice of your inner guide
That tells you what is true
And which road to choose

Listen to the love in your heart
It already doesn’t whisper
no more
It is shouting and screaming
You can try to cover your ears
but you cannot be heart deaf

©RoseGirl2018

One Song

When you sing your songs tonight
will you hold me close
within your heart
Will you feel me in every sound
you breathe
In every rhythm you move

When I sing my songs tonight
I will hold you
in each tone,
in each word

And in the crescendo
we’ll come together
and our melodies will merge
into one song

©RoseGirl2018