The Burden Of Guilt And Shame

Guilt and shame
are the dirt in the waters of emotions
They are the burden on your shoulders
The vultures in the sky that
chase you and prevent you to fly
And that keep you tied
to your thoughts

………………..

The days of Christmas
have never been light for me
They used to be dark and heavy
With the burden of guilt and shame
pushing me to my knees

A little girl that was told that she was bad
That she had better not be born
That all the bad things that happened, were her fault
And for that,
she needed to be punished and beaten

And then, especially at Christmas
and on New Years Eve
I spent hours and hours
to name all the bad things they said I had done
And asked for each thing for forgiveness
Sorry that I had made my mother sick
Sorry that because of me my father needed to beat my mother
Sorry that I breathed
Sorry that I was born
And sorry, oh so sorry for who I was,
for all what I had said, sorry for me

I hoped for the mercy of Christmas
I hoped for the start of the New Year
that could clear my burden
of guilt and shame
But it somehow never worked
As there were always new things
for which I could be blamed

And even if they didn’t blame me
I then blamed myself
For years and years I carried
too much responsibility
As I felt guilty and ashamed of
all the problems in the world

…………………

Guilt and shame are not authentic emotions
that flow from the deeper well within
But they are mind- emotions
Created in the head space
by judgemental thoughts
that stem from blame

If you want to live from a place
of love
Tap into the deeper well within
Let go of the burden of guilt,
shame and blame
Clear the dirt on the surface of the waters
And set your heart free

©RoseGirl2018

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