The Most Desperate Poem I Have Ever Written

They always tell me that there is hope
in each of my poems
Even when it is written
in deep sadness
But this time I will not find a rainbow
on the other end of my tears

I cry and I cry and I cry
already for hours and hours
and I am scared, oh so scared
I can hardly breathe
as I hit the bottom of the bottom

I discovered
That I have an ugly part in me
That doesn’t believe
It doesn’t believe in myself, in you,
in love, in God or in anything.
It believes perhaps only in coincidences

It has lost all trust, all hope, all faith
in life
And it is cynical and doubting
It even hates itself
It thinks it will lose your love
As it doesn’t deserve

It thinks things will never change
and it will cry and cry for the rest of my days
And it will never be able
to change itself or to make changes
in the outside world
And there will be no happy ending


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